(HOST) This holiday season, writer and commentator Deborah Doyle-Schechtman has been thinking about the gift of friendship – and about one friend in particular, who had a talent for creating community.
(DOYLE-SCHECHTMAN) During the holidays we bestow gifts of all sorts upon on our families, neighbors, friends, colleagues, communities, and in some instances, complete strangers. But as much as it’s a time of giving and gratitude, the holiday season is also, for many, a period of reflection – and remembering those who, though no longer with us, profoundly influenced our lives.
My friend Dana was one of those people, and she’s been on my mind a lot over the last few weeks. She was an ordinary woman who had an extraordinary life, not because she did anything particularly grand or mysterious, but because of her everyday choices. The English poet, William Wordsworth, claimed that the best portion of a good life is found in the little, nameless, unremarkable acts of kindness and love. Dana’s days were full of such things. She was a tireless volunteer who preferred to work behind the scenes, one who would, for example, prepare pots of soup for the local food kitchen, but choose to deliver them when no one was looking.
Dana loved people, making friends wherever she went. She promoted us, introduced us to one another, encouraged our ideas and dreams, and celebrated our accomplishments. Under her patient cultivation, individual friends became circles of friends – informal communities of mutual interest. Her ability to engage and empower those whose paths she crossed enriched us, and the Vermont society of which she was so very much a part.
It was in the last months of her life, however, that her talent for making friends and creating community was most evident to me. After learning that her illness was terminal, she decided to embrace every minute she had left. With her family’s support, she welcomed a steady steam of visitors into the sunny living room where she held court by the fire, first from a big recliner, and later from a hospital bed. She pulled out her address book and contacted everyone she could reach to say goodbye. She sent and received stacks of mail. Her phone rang steadily. When she was no longer physically able to attend choir practice at a local church, she invited the group to rehearse in her living room, and quietly sang along. The atmosphere was much more like that of a salon than a sick room.
The thing is, when you stop to think about it, we all have a Dana or two in our lives – people who make the best of things and who bring out the best in us – friends who provide us with a sense of belonging and a sense of who we are.
Remembering friends of the past, celebrating with friends of the present, and being open to friends of the future are an important part of our holidays.
Because friendship is one of our greatest gifts – both to give and to receive.